Probably one of the more philosophical discussions I’ve had that lingered longer than I thought. In true transparency, I struggle with this. By this, I mean recognizing what really and truly matters to me and how I define my own happyness (thanks Chris Gardner for the spelling). Can I be accomplished, successful and significant or must I choose only one to delineate what makes me content?
So, let’s take a step back. A mentor a year or so ago shared a portion of a speech he was going to give at a law school graduation. In it, he says, “strive to be significant, not successful.” I saw how he was trying to be deep, but it really threw me. It provoked deeper thought, like, why not strive for both? Why not the other way around. Can one even be significant if they aren’t successful? These were the types of questions born out of our conversation. He didn’t attempt to sway me during my speed round of questioning, but left me to decide for myself. Should I be striving for significance in this world rather than success?
Fast forward, and I recently read Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” I won’t review the book here, but he talked briefly about accomplishments versus success. For the sake of argument, let’s take him at his word. Accomplishments are something tangibly measured. They’re goals. You can meet a goal. You can celebrate a goal. You can quantify a goal. It’s a universal truth that if you say you’re going to lose 20 pounds in 6 months and actually lose the weight in 6 months, you’ve accomplished your goal. That’s an accomplishment worthy of accolade. On the contrary, success is a little harder to quantify because the assumption is, success is not a synonym for accomplishment. It has to be different. Success is something personal. Or it should be. Put another way, the reason why I’m drawing the comparison is because yes, you can be successful at achieving a goal. But, are you what you’d consider, a success? Think about that.
What does it mean to be significant in this world? Who defines who is or what is significant? What is the ubiquitous standard for being significant? In the game, Scrabble, every player has to agree to use one dictionary. If the word you spell is challenged, and it’s not in the dictionary, then it’s not consider a word and you lose your turn. We need something like that to qualify significance. If you’re a parent, you’re significant. If you’re a spouse, you’re significant. If you’re a positively-contributing member of society, you’re significant. If you’re alive on this earth, you’re significant. I found this one a lot harder to think through. Even if we narrow the definition down to just making an impact, what does that even mean? What type of impact? On whom? At what cost?
The reason I find this conversation difficult to articulate is because accomplishments, successes and significance are great, but what if they come under the wrong terms? Promotions, generally, are fantastic, but what if you hate your job. Your friends and family think you’re a success because you’re always being promoted, but you strongly disagree. To them, you are significant because you seem to be held in high esteem in the work place. If we could agree that only you and me can define these 3 ideas for ourselves, then at what point will we stop and acknowledge that we’re happy?
I’m working through a theory about being a success equating to “stretch goals.” The opaque ones espoused by Napoleon Hill in “Think and Grow Rich.” He says if you say something frequent enough and long enough, your actions will begin to align with that thinking and you will attract whatever it is you’re declaring. So, a stretch goal for me might be, ‘by this time next year, I will have in my possession $2MM of annual salary, which will come to me in various amounts from time to time during the interim.’ That’s a hell of a goal. Even if I only got to $1MM in annual salary, that’s commendable, but am I a success? Am I significant because I make $1-2MM a year? If accomplished, will I be happy? I hope so!
This is what I feel like I know about these 3 ideologies: 1 is self-evident and universally accepted – you say it, you do it, on to the next; the other 2 are how the world views you. One you have complete control, the other 2 you have very little control. There is no cookbook recipe for being a success or significant because the definitions are moving goal posts. They are based on the opinions of others.
The world, no, the INTERNET, is a pressure chamber. Who can say, “hey, I’m a success” or “I’m significant” without them being scrutinized or attacked by someone else. I want to be a success, accomplished, and significant, but I’m beginning to see that it all starts with being public with accomplishing my goals. Success and significance will naturally follow. To quote my mentor, he says “Success is a personal measurement & accomplishment. Significance is a measurement based on your impact on others and on society. Strive to be significant.”
Could my struggle be rooted in seeking validation? I’ve thought about this. Who’s opinion will carry the most weight, mine or others? Will I dictate my own happyness or will others? I just assumed someone else might have pondered something similar. I don’t profess to know yet, but I’m working on it…
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