“A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.”- Gloria Steinem
“Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again and Hey where did you learn that?” –Emo Philips
“Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.” – Madeline Khan
“Sex was for men. Marriage like life boats, was for women and children.”- Carrie Fisher
Well if you believe that, there is a good reason you should read this book.
Sheet Music- Dr. Kevin Leman
After 8 years of marriage I found this book so useful, there was immediate betterment in our quality of life, not just on the bed. You see, there are so many things the articles on the web or other books on sex don’t teach you. This was an eye opener and I am going to buy a few more copies to present to couples on their wedding. You couldn’t give them a better gift, as a parent, friend or someone who deeply cares.
The book is written in a free, witty and easy style, which made me smile a lot. The examples and scenarios described are those most married people can completely relate to.
The first few chapters are dedicated to single men and women. How do you prepare yourself for the marriage bed? If your answer is ‘Get more practice before marriage’, like mine was, here is another view on it. Saving up for your husband has so many advantages, and Dr Kevin has statistics to back his points.
What if you have already made a mistake, what then? – Well it isn’t too late to abstain till marriage. The emotional consequences of premarital sex are completely neglected in our society, so are the risks of getting STDs. Dr. Leman has suggestions on how to deal with “the crowded bed”, the things that have influenced the person you are from childhood on. Your sexual rule book- We all have one, we’d be fooling ourselves if we pretended we didn’t. What is alright for me, what isn’t and the reasons, are some issues we need to work through. And while some rules might be easier broken, some might be quite tough. Whatever they are, they need to be faced.
Dr Leman then talks about learning to make music- about studying your spouse starting with the honey moon, and gives couples very practical solutions and realistic expectations, especially during this period. He uses a simile on how people learn to play violin, the instrumental and the violinist are capable of making beautiful music, which does not happen but for lots and lots of practice with one instrument.
The book then has a section “men only” and “women only” which is also extremely practical and deals with taking care of yourself and preparing yourself emotionally and physically to experience pleasure during sex.
“Why not, and why not here?”
I find that a lot of women think that they are doing their husband a favour by consenting to ‘let him do it’. I find that so sad, because of the experience and the relationship that comes with good sex. Some of us also tend to have fixed ideas about when, how, which position, and which area of the house it should be done. But why? Dr Leman tells us to be open to the practicalities and details positions that can be used.
The book was very insightful about the differences between the genders, in the way they understand and perceive things, priorities and expectations.
It can be hard, just like marriage is hard.
To find the time, to make the effort, to prioritise, to plan.
But no one is ”winning” the marriage.
And I think what you reap is worth the effort, and when you reap you do manifold.
You can purchase the book on amazon here.
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