Ten months ago my Mister encouraged and supported me in my decision to leave my place of employment. I was utterly clueless in my next steps. There were no next steps. I only knew God was calling me to take the first step, leave your desk job. Leave now.
In all honesty I was not overly keen on the idea of being unemployed with an unknown future. I pushed back. Long and hard. But yet my heart was longing to be free of the confines of my desk. God saw the desire of my heart and made a path for me to walk away.
I did not know in January the repercussions of walking away. What massively outrageously beautiful repercussions. Jesus knew I needed a revitalization. He knew my spirit was downcast and overrun and sputtering along on empty. He knew the revitalization I needed was not going to be found in a quick mental and physical break. Unbeknownst to be me, I required a complete overhaul of the heart. A six-month long overhaul.
Those first two months of unemployment it was just me in my home tackling boxes and boxes of my unpacked life from Chillicothe to Chenoa. In those boxes the Son of God met me. We walked through years of prayer journals together. We uncovered wounds I thought we had healed. We rediscovered and put to rest, one more time, lies I kept repeating to myself about my identity and my value. We unearthed the beauty of a daily relationship with the Word of God. I poured out my heart and my tears. Jesus caught every one. I cried out in anguish and fear and doubt and loneliness. Jesus tethered himself to me.
There were oh so many days of the deep and body wracking tears cried out on my shower floor. Jesus Christ met me there, spoke truth to me there, and restored my soul.
I am thankful for those two months. January and February brought me into a renewed fellowship with the Savior of my soul. And then He brought me to Proverbs 31 Ministries and Lysa TerKeurst. I was so richly blessed through her Bible study Finding I Am. Believe you me, I found I AM in those pages. I was reminded of who it is I praise and worship. Jesus is the Bread of Life. Jesus is the Light of the World. Jesus is the Door. Jesus is the Good Shepard. Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Jesus is the True Vine.
Above all Jesus is my Bread of Life. Jesus is the my Light of the World. Jesus is my Door. Jesus is my Good Shepard. Jesus is my Resurrection and Life. For me Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Jesus is my True Vine.
As I was rediscovering who Jesus is to me He started me on the journey to revitalize my hunger and thirst of Him. I hungrily pursued Him and as I pursued the next step was given to me. One step followed by the next step followed by the next. Then WHAM right out of left field came a humdinger which left my heart pounding a cry of “Yes, God, yes! One hundred times yes!”
A beautiful friend, and a cousin through marriage, asked me to join her in co-leading a Bible study for a few members of our family. She did not want me to feel pressured or backed into a corner in any way. I could think and pray before responding. There was not even the slightest inkling of a pause before I responded with my yes.
Three months into unemployment it became abundantly clear to me the purpose behind leaving my desk. Jesus. I had lost sight of Jesus. I had unwittingly put Him on a shelf and left Him there for a more convenient time.
Jesus is not all about convenience. I should not be about convenience. It took unemployment (totally inconvenient) and an unknown future (earthshattering inconvenience) to bring me back to the feet of Jesus. For months He knew I desired to be a member of a women’s Bible study in my new home. But what He knew I needed more than Bible study was Him. The Bread of Life.
So God called me away from my desk and into unemployment.
He knew my unemployment would bring true soul healing. He knew unemployment would bring me back to the ever merciful feet of Jesus. He knew unemployment would prepare me to co-lead a women’s Bible study. He knew unemployment would be the thrust needed to expand my understanding of my salvation. He knew unemployment would be used to deepen relationships with my new family. He knew.
God brought me to unemployment to met him.
Ten months ago when I was preparing to leave my desk for the last time I could not even begin to fathom the true purpose behind my discontent in my job. Three months in, and then again in May, and then with the conclusion of our women’s study in Galatians I am only just beginning to appreciate the magnitude of my obedience to walk away from my desk.
God’s Kingdom. Not mine.
Little did I know it would take an incredibly massive step of faith to bring about one of my life’s greatest blessings. Yet He knew.
He knows your heartache. He knows your tears. He knows your worries. He knows your fears. He knows the yearnings of your heart. He knows where you are. He knows your name. He knows who you are.
He knows.
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1 Peter 1:3-7
