New Year & A New Outlook on Life

I’m sat here writing this post just before we celebrate the new year and after all the craziness that is Christmas, I’m remembering all the amazing memories I made in 2017 with Jenson, reflecting on all the changes that have happened like changing my career after working for the same company for 12 years and I’m thinking about what 2018 is gonna bring. I decided I wanted my first blog going into the new year to be a personal one in the hope that maybe if you feel like I do you may get something from my honesty or the way I’m gonna be refocusing this year and it’s why I’m posting this blog today so that I start the new year with a clear head.

Now I don’t know if you’ve noticed my absence on social media especially on my Instagram recently but I did it for my own sanity as I’ve been struggling with how i feel behind the lens and if you’ve read a previous blog of mine you might about how I feel Instagram is then your understand. I have to be honest and as we’re going into a new year I want to put it out there (even if only one person or even no one reads this blog) about my mindset and how going into 2018 I want to change the way I see myself ultimately, the world and everything in it.

I struggle everyday with how I see myself all the time, I basically I suppose don’t think that much of myself, I can be socially awkward where I shy away from people and conversations or I use my go to defence mechanism of talking to much and being loud to hide how I’m feeling inside. I know this stems from the way things in my life have gone, the way I’ve been incredibly hurt by different people and overtime I’ve built up a wall that is as solid as the pentagon that I won’t let down. I worry constantly about what people think of me or how they will react towards me hence why I act a certain way instead in front of different people to shield the real me. Now don’t get me wrong i don’t hide it all the time and I am the real me in front of my son always cause he loves me for who I am and for example he doesn’t care how silly I am, he loves that I do a funny voice for Rufus our cat, he doesn’t care about me saying the wrong thing or the wrong word and he doesn’t care that I can’t sing when I’m belting a latest chart hit or singing along to a Disney song in the car. I just wish I could be like this with everyone in my life without thinking they will tell me to be quiet or put me down for it, I wish I didn’t think everyone will hurt me overtime, I wish that didn’t carry this pain with me and I could park it somewhere and move on.

This year I’m vowing to do change this, to do more things for me and for us, I want to change the way I see everything and to stop feeling like an outsider. I’ve been writing my goals down for 2018 and yes one of them is to lose weight like everyone especially after the overindulgence of Christmas. So here are my aims and goals for 2018 –

• Lose Weight – This will be an ongoing goal to get to a better and more ideal weight for me that I know I’m happy at as for the last two years I’ve been using the excuse of giving up smoking for the reason why I’ve gained more weight then I really have ever wanted to gain.
• Read at Least One Book a Month – I love reading and I don’t read enough so instead of watching tv when I go up to bed I aim to read a book like I use to instead.
• Spend Less Time on my Phone and Social Media – As most of us do nowadays I spend to much time on my phone either researching, posting or reading on the internet and social media sites which means I do not always seeing what is around me. I had a break from it at Christmas this year to the point my phone battery actually lasted two days so i want to continue this and enjoy the moments I’m in instead.
• Do More Things I Enjoy – This could be something like doing things like puzzles cause I find them therapeutic or going to a place I’ve wanted to visit that I’ve never been to before.
• Blog More – I know I want to stay off my phone more this year but I also believe writing things down in black and white is good for the soul, so this year I aim to write more honest blogs, more blogs about things we do or places we visit and of course about more blogs about Disney.
• Save Some Money – I’m setting myself the aim of doing the weekly save money goal that is a £1 the first week then £2 the second, so on and so forth plus I’m gonna try the penny money save challenge (see below both challenges) so at the end of it I would have saved a good amount to put towards a bucket list destination holiday of either New York or Walt Disney World for me and Jenson one day.
• Declutter and Reorganise – I am probably like every other person out there and I keep things that I really don’t need anymore especially things of Jenson’s ie old clothes and toys he no longer plays with so I’m gonna declutter it all and either sell it on selling sites or charity shop it. I then want to reorganise my home to finally get it to a place that I’ve been aiming for since we moved in and put the money from these pieces towards the furniture or accessories that I would love to get.

As well as setting myself aims and goals I’ve purchased some books, a journal and a diary that I’m hoping will help me see things differently as I go through the year.

The first book I got is ‘Happy by Fearne Cotton’. I’ve read really good reviews from people who have read this book. I love what Fearne Cotton herself wrote about this book (see below) and I hope I find a way of releasing what’s going on inside my head and find that inner happiness.

“This book is a way to release what’s going on inside your head and to keep heading towards the good stuff. The simple stuff. The stuff that’s going to really hit up that happiness on a deep and nourishing level. Whether you dip into these pages every now and then when you feel you need it, or use it daily as a positive exercise, I hope it brings you much relief, joy and calm. Amen to the pen.” – Fearne Cotton

The second book I’ve purchased and this time on my kindle instead is ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k by Sarah Knight’. I stumbled across this book on amazon while looking and searching for other books and journals, the reviews again for this are very good and it’s definitely the way I need to go in life cause I need to stop being so stressed out and overwhelmed by life so I’m hoping this book can help me put things into perspective. Once I’ve read this book I aim to read the next two in the series also which are ‘Get Your S**t Together’ and ‘You Do You’.

The journal I purchased that I’m gonna fill in this year is an add on to the book ‘Happy the Journal by Fearne Cotton’. I want to be able to find the real happiness in each day and I loved the different prompts on each day that this book makes you think about and makes you look at loving and appreciating yourself.

Lastly the diary I have for my own personal use this year and not as an everyday diary for the hustle and bustle of mine and Jenson’s life’s is ‘Me. You. a Diary by Dawn French’. I’ve wanted a diary like this forever cause I don’t know about you I always by March/April give up filling my diary in and I’ve wanted a diary that is more then just a diary for a long time. I saw Dawn French on Graham Norton speaking about this diary and knew as soon as I heard her speak about it that I wanted it, I had it in my amazon basket ready to purchase but I very thankfully received this as a gift from my family. What I love about this diary is you can use it as an everyday diary to put your appointments and comings and goings in or you can use it just for you, to put your daily thoughts in or what you’ve done and loved that day, you can use it as you want. As you go through the year there is lots to read about Dawn French herself and then she asks you to add to it. I aim to have a fat, scruffier diary by the end of 2018 that I can look back over and reflect whole heartedly on about what has happen and how I’ve felt.

Something else I’m gonna be doing this year is to start a ‘Gratitude Jar’. I found this on Pinterest the other day and I love the idea so much, what you have to do is starting 1st January, write down the good things that happen to you on little pieces of paper like the following –

• Surprise Gifts
• Accomplished Goals
• LOL Moments
• Memories Worth Saving
• Daily Blessings

Then on 31st December you open the jar and read all the amazing things that have happened to you in the past year.

I do hope and think all these things will help me this year be more positive, more happy and to love and like myself a lot more.

I’m gonna continue my journey with my instagram this year and will be back to posting disney things only like items I’ve found and sharing items I have, I got truly spoilt by my family at Christmas and have quite a few Disney things that I’m looking forward to sharing.

Thank you also so much if you’ve taken the time to read to the end of this blog as it’s about me and I appreciate it was a very long but it was good to be truthful and honest about the real me that is behind the lens.

Laura x