2017 is nearly done and dusted, I won’t be sorry to see it go. Normally I’m the type of person who drips with positivity. Now, I just drip. Circumstances have clumped together this year, purchased a shovel and swiped me over the head time and again, knocking all my optimism and self confidence away.
Looking for work has been difficult, and has helped erode what bit of self esteem I had left. Rejection after rejection! Then the indignity of the jobcentre, a faceless entity who has to deal with the many work-shy skankers who think it’s ok to claim their Jobseekers Allowance week after week for ever and stay at home watching bloody Jeremy Kyle. I know it’s only fair that everyone is treated equally, and said skankers need to be checked up on. But a good percentage of unemployed people are folk like me who are in this situation through no fault of their own, and struggling to find work. These people also get tarred with the same brush.
Jobs are not easy to come by. Every employer is wanting experience. I am only experienced in the line of work I did for years, but employers aren’t interested. There’s always someone out there with more relevant experience. I can’t think what. No, I’m sorry I’m not a car owner, I don’t have a degree, I haven’t done so many years doing that. Half the time the vacancies are filled internally, but the employer still has to advertise and fulfill interviews, most of the remaining time employers will not even respond one way or another to an application.
I’ve tried so hard for several months now, had just a handful of interviews, most of which have gone reasonably, or very well, but am still here submitting my applications very carefully, adjusting my CV etc. I’m feeling a failure, no longer one of the useful people who work and pay taxes, and put things back into the economy. I’m sure people who are told I’m unemployed will be thinking after all this time I mustn’t be trying hard enough, that maybe I don’t want to work. Its soul destroying.
I was happy once. Isn’t it funny how quickly things can turn around? Now I’m fighting depression and struggling to keep afloat, filling my diary with lists of little things I must do each day to keep something for me to focus on.
Ok, my problems are tiny in comparison to what’s going on in the world. Communities living under the threat of terrorism, homeless people huddled in sleeping bags on our freezing winter streets, families of recent tragedies who will have no Mummies or Daddies for Christmas. Does kind of put it into perspective, but it’s difficult to see this when you are stuck in a bubble. My claws haven’t been sharp enough to burst it yet, but they will, in time. They have to.
Christmas is nearly here, a special time in my house. Two small granddaughters are eagerly awaiting a special nocturnal visitor, though I’m sure they haven’t quite always made the NICE list. They are both always on their grandma’s nice list though, even when naughtiness has been at its height. They keep me going. They keep me sane.
I’ll shut up now and do something happy like put marzipan on my Christmas cake. I always try to produce positive blog content. Sorry this one really isn’t, but I will chuck something more cheerful at ya next time I promise.
Whatever am I doing in that golden bauble? Release the genie and I’ll grant you three wishes.
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