(Photo Archive) 8:48 | 13 August 2016 | “Where to now?” | Beauty World MRT Station
I have always been endlessly driven and hyped up, and motivated to reach my goals.
At 24, I decided to follow after my father’s footsteps. My father was an honest, hardworking businessman, a wise, and a brave person who knew how to calculate risks. I admire him so much because despite his success, he kept his feet on the ground and he kept a big, big heart––never forgetting to be thankful for all of God’s blessings in his life, always putting us first before himself, always in tune with our needs, never neglecting the importance of his involvement in the healthy development of his children, and always open-handed and ready to help, ready to supply whatever need to anyone, anytime, anywhere, even if he would gain nothing in return. He was a successful man who knew how to not let his success get the best of him.
At 24, I closed my eyes and took that leap of faith, and decided to run my own learning center. For a starter (and for lesser overhead costs), I put up my own learning center in my father’s house. Both my mother and my father were very supportive. My father, though already retired at this time, was not just a wise businessman, he was also extremely skilled and talented with craftsmanship, creating marvelous things with his hands. He refurbished an old, dirty stock room to give me the space I asked for. He painted the wooden furniture, which my mother had one of her carpenters build for me. It was bliss to see all of it come according to plan with the full support of my family, and their contributions to help make it a huge success.
After 10 months, the space had become too small and the number of enrollees was growing rapidly. So I decided it was time to bring the learning center out of my father’s house, and into its new and distinct location. It was a big leap of faith for me, hence, I named and registered the learning center as “Leap High.”
Unlike my father, my drive for success got into my head and consumed me. It not only consumed my heart, but it also consumed so much of my time, making myself too busy with all the business development plans and strategies that I had no other time for more important things in life like my relationships with my friends, family, or even my own personal development and spiritual growth. I became too proud of my success that I felt like I was on top of the world’s highest mountain.
2 years after, I fell off the mountain. I got my heart broken by a man who was 12 years my senior. He was an artist who was always out looking for himself. And on the way, he found me. You know what they say about being in the wrong place at the wrong time? It causes deep heartaches and pains.
Along with my broken heart, I lost my drive too. My passion was subdued by a few setbacks. I was uninspired and unmotivated. My emotions became a river that drowned me. I was very unsuccessful in trying to wade out of it. Eventually, I exhausted all my efforts trying to save myself from drowning. So I stopped and I just let go. And everything I strived for, all my achievements and fondest dreams, were like sand that trickled through my fingers. Gone, gone, gone.
The next thing I knew, I was on the plane desperate to find in solitude, healing for my soul and restoration of all that was broken in me. A year (or more) has gone, yet I still feel like my life is stagnating. It’s one heartache after another. I see no growth. No progress. No development. No change. Nothing new. Like I am in a total rut.
So, where to now? Where do I go or where do I turn when the goals I have set in the past have lost their appeal since I am now in a completely different emotional state compared to when I first set them? Which way do I go when my priorities have changed and I do not want to work towards those goals anymore? Should I just leave myself to daily mundanes?
Okay, I must first get my momentum going to help me get back on track! I think I will have to dedicate my remaining time in Singapore shaking up my routine. I will be writing about it on another day. For now, I hope you will get a good night’s rest!
Sleep tight, friends!
J.
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