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The Poison Throne (2008)

by Celine Kiernan(Favorite Author)

3.79 of 5 Votes: 2

ISBN

1847171109 (ISBN13: 9781847171108)

languge

English

genre

Romance

publisher

The O'Brien Press

series

Moorehawke Trilogy

review 1: Okay. How do I start.This book was so S**** that I injured my dog. No joke. I threw it and the damn thing decided to cause me some more internal damage by hitting my poor dog, Jersey.My dog is old.She's also very small.So when it hit her, she sort of flew into the air and hurtled into the pool.She's also never been in the pool before.Oh. And PS: she cant swim.I jumped in with my F****ing clothes on and got her. However, the book decided this wasnt enough- so while I left the damn cursed thing in the pool. It was found by the sucky-thing that cleans the bottom of your pool (WHAT IS THAT THING CALLED!?) and attempted to suck it up.However the book is too damn big that it ended up... choking? And basically blew the pump thing that the leaves go into.But it doesn't end there, ... moreI was wet and when I stepped on the very slippery floor. I plummeted very unattractively to the floor and broke my finger.Okay, well not really. But I did hurt it.So all in all, I am very, very pissed with this book.Oh and then there's that actual book- I hate EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!I hate the stupid, insignificant title that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot- why not call it 'The Father Who Keeps Not Dying' or 'The Whiny Bitch Who Needs A Good Slapping'.I mean the only thing good about this book was Christopher, and you know what they did to him? Sent him to freaking Morocco. Y'know after destroying his face and making you imagine him as the ugliest dude on the imaginary and very stoopid kingdom of No one Gives A Shit.And Razi. I Will Kill That Stupid Pompous Asshole.Y'know I actually got through this book. The entire bloody thing. And i just sat there confused and had to re-read th last chapter.WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY PUT AN AWESOME COVER WITH A FREAKING AWESOME GIRl WITH A FREAKING AWESOME KNIFE, WHEN THERE IS NO FREAKING AWESOME GIRL WITH AN AWESOME KNIFE?! Its actually sickening.I picked this book up solely because of the cover- I mean it looked like it would have rebels and teenage-girl-assassins plotting to kill an evil king. But nope- they tricked us- its a stupid, coward rebel who thinks hes a prince but actually ran away like the big pussy he is, and a couple of his minions who keep failing to kill ONE guy. And a girl who I cant decide is a lesbian or just fricking ignorant to any romance. Oh! At least they got one thing right, the king is evil. Oh wait no! No hes not. Because for some insane reason he is actually a really nice dude- but for some reason he wants to kill both his sons, and destroy everyone around him. Including his own damn kingdom.But he's still a 'nice dude'.So nice and kind and lovin- WHO AM I KIDDING HES A F*CKED UP PSYCHO!So there it is.Dont read this book- it sucks ass.Its awful.It hurts to read.Just dont.But as I always say, Happy Reading!! (with a different book) :PPP
review 2: Summary: several hundred pages of nothingFor a book that has so much potential I was disappointed with the execution of the story.I don't think I saw a page that was devoid of tears or heartfelt pangs. The emotion was jarring, slowed the pace and did not make sense for a book set in this period: it's a civilisation where the father of the protagonist was a 15-17 year-old soldier swapping strategy with Kings!In particular, the protagonist is a high-ranking apprentice carpenter - an amazing feat for a woman given the social circumstances. Yet, her character evolves into a more childish version of herself prone to fancy.Obviously, I didn't enjoy the book.There wasn't enough substance to the story to carry it along and when the pace really fell off the author bandied about mysteries to keep readers engaged: e.g. the "bloody machine", why Aldi (wtf) is going all rogue, why the cats were killed off and the ghosts have taken a side.Please don't bother.The Good: It has a talking catThe Bad: Everyone cries... all the timeThe Ugly: Clunky language - conversations didn't flow naturally (despite the obvious old-English attempts) less

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