Letter 4

Dear Home,

I’ve been homesick. I think of you often and sometimes even wish to be where you are.

It hit me when my apartmentmates and I started making plans for Christmas. In the middle of the discussion about presents and Christmas dinner, I felt a wave of discontent. I didn’t want to be here for Christmas. I wanted to be home.

Other things also made me homesick. Star Wars: The Last Jedi came out. If you don’t know me and are reading this for some strange reason, this is a big deal. I love Star Wars and it was a huge part of my childhood and this is the first one I couldn’t dress up like an Ewok and see with my sisters. Second, my dog Sam had to be put down. I knew he would die at some point this year because he was old and had bad arthritis when I left, but still. I named him and grew up with him and it made me really sad. Last, my grandfather got pneumonia and was in the hospital for a bit and it’s scary to be far from home when things like that happen. So yeah, December was hard.

Now that I’m passed Christmas and well on my way into 2018, things are looking up. Here are a few thoughts I’ve processed through since then!

Thought 1

It’s possible to be simultaneously joyful and sad.

Despite all the rough stuff in December, Christmas was still a good time: Being away from home and separated from normal tradition helped me focus more on Jesus. Also, my church here had a really meaningful Christmas service. Everyone from the church participated in the service by sharing songs, poems, or artwork. I helped lead this sharing time with my supervisor and friend, Karen, by performing small skits throughout the sharing time that demonstrated the advent themes. It was probably the most meaningful Christmas service I’ve ever had. As I felt so joyful to be with my community and celebrate with them, an equal sadness lingered as I continuously thought about how this was the first Christmas my family wouldn’t be together.

Fun fact: Korea celebrates Christmas as a couple’s holiday. Instead of spending time with their families, a lot of people spend time with their SO.

Thought 2

One of the biggest challenges so far is denying the consumerist culture of Korean society. There is so much to buy and consume, and it is so easily accessible. I often find myself lured to live as a tourist, rather than a service worker. It’s super difficult to find the line between the two, but I hope I can fully experience Korea and remain committed to a service mindset.

Thought 3

God is so good and mysterious! (I apologize in advance for being vague.)

I have been wrestling with something for a long time, long before coming to Korea. It made me question, “Is God even good?” and “Why, why, why?!” and “Are you ever going to answer me?” I prayed for answers and people to help me find them.

After deciding to come to Korea, part of me wondered if I was running away from my wrestling match. And maybe I was. But God used this experience to show me His grace. He has given me a way to feel understood and a way to see others’ compassion and a place to contemplate without judgement or fear. I still have questions, but that’s okay.  Anyway, God has finally answered some of my prayers, and I’m left amazed at his faithfulness.

Thanks for reading!

I still miss home, but I’m continuously grateful for this experience. Thanks for joining me in the journey! Enjoy the pics, they speak more about my experience than my words can.