Darkness and nothing more. Breathing heavily, the heart is pounding loud and anticipation feels heavy. In the blink of an eye the curtains reveal unfamiliar faces and blinding light. You try to find yourself but have to act on a whim, your first line is improvised and the rest strikes as fast as lightning. You’re in charge of the stage. As naturally as you adapt to the role, you start feeling power over the ones you know. You control their actions, emotions and thoughts. Everything in this chaotic setting is planned, either by intuition or by some bits of imagination. You’re the one that have the fates of others, they, they do not exist if you’re not willing to let them. Without you, nothing would be real. You’re not even questioning whether they have their own thoughts, you know it all too well. You lead the perfect play. Every character can have any possible reaction, or at least, one that’s on your list. If it’s out of the ordinary, it does not fit, the play is ruined and you’re lest with a sense of despair and unworthiness.
The characters start from nothing. Their personality is built and improved with time and their actions are expected to be impeccable in therms of your own book of manners. As much as you tend to control them, you forget about you. You do not impose any behaviour on yourself because you’re already perfect. There’s nothing you can do that can ruin the play. Or is it? Aren’t we all just obsessing over actions and possibilities that might be true but we can never be certain? Don’t we overuse patterns of personality to describe anyone forgetting that we’re pretty much unique and the rules not always apply? No one says that you’re not the leading role of your own play but you tend to forget that you must continue to have the ability to adapt and improvise continuously, no matter the setting, because you cannot control others. If you got to that point, you can easily observe that you’re surrounded by a bunch of puppets and they cannot help you in discovering your true self.
As you take the first step, staring into the crowd, searching for a familiar face, you realize you know no one. You are alone, shivering but managing to make that role shine, to make you the perfect actor on the world’s stage and not just a puppet in the hands of the writer. You must be spontaneous, you must act on instinct and leave judgement to problem solving. Nothing was created without risk and you don’t want to go back to that nothingness that was in the beginning. You might feel confident, you might feel like you belong to the stage only and that’s perfectly fine. If someone wants to join and complete your acts, that’s good. But if no one comes around remember that it’s better to be in charge of a complex and fulfilling monologue than a chaotic shepherd that brings no meaning.
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