dear Hayley,
happy freaking birthday! welcome to 29. i know 28 was a hard one. it was for me, too. but hey, you released a new album that was kick-ass, different, happy sounding but also so sad which i can totally relate to.
i’ve always been able to relate to you, actually. for ten and a half years, your music has blared through my speakers. i’ve listened to you while laughing, dancing, crying, screaming… you name it. i’ve gone to your songs/words for guidance when things needed to change, when i needed to pull myself out of depression, when i needed something to let all my energy out or just when i wanted to feel safe. because, believe it or not, paramore music has always felt like home to me.
i’ve grown up with you and i am so proud of the person you are. i don’t know you personally, of course and i know you could never be perfect. but you have helped so many people get through so many things by just being yourself, speaking kindness and making it known you love your fans just about as much as we love you.
i’ll never forget what it felt like to meet you. i was 26 year old me, much skinnier, longer (red/purple hair), decked out in a badass skull shirt, black shorts and shoes. you said you loved my hair and my shirt and i thought i might faint. i honestly can barely remember what it felt like to meet you now. if i had gotten the opportunity to redo it, i would. i was a total fangirl. lol
but i was also a mess. most days it was just hard to breathe, let alone get out of bed and do that terrible chore called my life. the only thing i had was you… or at least i thought. everything just felt so terrible despite my life actually working out well. but you know how depression can be… it attacks you even when nothing is really wrong. i lived alone, i had a job, a car, friends, family, etc. i was free and could do whatever i wanted.
but my only happy place in those days were at paramore shows. i felt like nothing else mattered but hearing the songs that got me through the light and the dark live and watching my girl (my dudes – can’t forget about Taylor or Zac) do her thing!
i remember giving you a little gift. it was no big deal. i know you always got salt and pepper shakers from your fans. i just wanted to add to your collection. you acted so surprised and so happy. but i never expected that you would actually display it in your house! but sure enough, you put that guy smack dab in the middle of your window sill (thank you, kiss off video. don’t worry, i don’t know where you live
