When You Don’t Feel Like It

There was always this hype to get my thoughts out into strings of letters and syllables, even when those thoughts were once all over the place. It’s in the recent discovery of this gift that I found that I love writing. Nonetheless, coming up with this blog post has been a month-long struggle of praying, thinking, writing, re-writing, and back again to praying. I have a number of unfinished drafts, and it’s difficult to bleed out words as smoothly as I used to do in the past few months. I hate to admit this but… I don’t feel like writing recently.

While it should be natural for a passionate person to always have the drive and motivation to do what he/she loves to do, here I am, staring at my screen, struggling to get the words out, (a little) scared and frustrated to see a kindled fire slowly being extinguished.

Passion is defined in the dictionary as: (1) a “strong and barely controllable emotion”, (2) “an intense desire or enthusiasm for something”, and (3) a “strong amorous feeling”.  You could have a passion for pets or plants, travelling or dancing, photography or calligraphy, name it. Surprisingly, this word was not always defined this way. It actually came from the Latin root “patior” which means “to suffer”. The usage of this word evolved causing it to veer away from its original meaning. Or has it really?

Every artist, whether expert or novice, never came up with a masterpiece without having to deal with mental blocks, external and internal pressure, burnout, inferiority, criticisms, interruptions, discouragement, among others. But did these obstacles stop them from doing what they love? Almost, but not quite. These people chose to finish what they started, no matter how long it took them, no matter how difficult it got. That’s what passion is. It’s not all about desire and enthusiasm, fireworks and butterflies, but also about rainy and dark days, wounds and scars. Being passionate is persevering and fighting off feelings of laziness, procrastination, insecurity, and more. It’s making sacrifices, great or small, to get one message across: “I WANT TO DO THIS!”

…even when you don’t feel like it.

Passion is choosing to finish what you started, no matter how long it takes, no matter how difficult it gets. 

But what about those times when you feel like you are simply left with nothing? It’s not that you don’t want it but there’s simply nothing to take hold of. Navigating in the silence and in the darkness has never been this challenging.

The feeling of wanting to run but having no urge to move…

The feeling of wanting to write but having no words to scribble…

The feeling of wanting to get out of bed but having no purpose to live for…

How do you keep going when passion dies down or when it’s not even there to begin with?

Passion is not all about desire and enthusiasm, fireworks and butterflies, but also about rainy and dark days, wounds and scars.

2,000 years ago, Jesus felt the kind of pain one couldn’t even dare imagine. The word “passion” pertained to His suffering and death. After dining with His disciples for the last time, he headed to the Garden of Gethsemane with Peter, James, and John to pray.

He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death…” He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”
– Matthew 26:37-39 NLT

Jesus knew why He had to come to the world and be a man. He brought forth miracles, He healed the sick, He made Himself known as the Son of God and Savior of the world. He came to save sinners and give them eternal life, but as His death was nearing, Jesus’ nature as a man became so evident in this part of the story. He felt anguished and distressed. His soul was “crushed with grief”, it felt like torture that an angel had to appear to Him to strengthen Him and “His sweat became like great drops of blood” (Luke 22:43-44) as He prayed in despair. He was about to be crucified on the cross to receive the penalty for our sins, and to receive the wrath of His Father — the suffering He never deserved. He was aware of what was about to happen, and at that time, He almost didn’t feel like dying for us anymore…

“My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me…“

Jesus came to His Father, pleading, not just once, but three times, if it’s possible for His Father to lift up this burdensome task off of His shoulders and consider another way to save mankind. But He knew that at the end of the day, it is His Father’s purpose that will and should prevail.

“Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

Jesus’ journey to the cross was because of His love for His Father, and that love was enough for Him to obey and fulfill the purpose that He was sent to do… despite the desperation to back out from it already. Jesus wanted to honor Him more than wanting to find comfort in His own throne in heaven. Jesus showed us that passion is not simply about “feeling”, but about doing God’s will. He taught us a great lesson: Purpose precedes passion.

Jesus knew that at the end of the day, it is His Father’s purpose that will and should prevail. He showed us that passion is not simply about “feeling” but about doing God’s will.

And you know, it wasn’t just Jesus’ love for the Father that sent Him to the cross. He bore all the mocking, the pain, and the suffering, because of you… even without the assurance of you loving Him back. He became the ultimate sacrifice for you to proclaim the greatest message of all: “I WANT YOU! I LOVE YOU!”

…even if you don’t really feel like loving Him back.

Jesus fought off His feelings of distress, anguish, and sorrow to fight for His love for you.

Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice for you to proclaim the greatest message of all: “I WANT YOU! I LOVE YOU!”

…even if you don’t really feel like loving Him back.  

And He won, friend.

He won.

On the cross where He was nailed was a combination of an ugly and a beautiful picture of love. He was forsaken that you may be forgiven. He was wounded that you may be healed. He was condemned that you may be justified. He was crucified that you may experience life.

There will be days when you don’t feel like studying or working.

…days when you don’t feel like talking to people, even to God.

…days when you don’t feel like forgiving the person who hurt you.

…days when you don’t feel like sharing the Gospel to a friend. 

…days when you don’t feel like following God.

…days when you don’t feel like doing anything anymore.

…days when you don’t feel like you want to live much longer.

He was forsaken that you may be forgiven. He was wounded that you may be healed. He was condemned that you may be justified. He was crucified that you may experience life.

On days like these, I pray that you would keep moving forward. I pray that you would remember Jesus, who humbled Himself by becoming obedient, even to the point of death (Philippians 2:8).  I pray that you would remember that passion is pressing on, regardless of what you feel, whether or not your labor is already bearing fruit or it hasn’t yet.

When you feel like your passion to live, to create, and to positively change this world is slowly fading, I pray that you would remember your purpose — not the one you thought for yourself but the one that God has for you. If you don’t know it yet, I urge you to seek God wholeheartedly and find that purpose in Him. Eventually, you will see that the purpose you’re looking for is Him (Jeremiah 29:13).

Jesus taught us a great lesson: Purpose precedes passion. 

When you choose to follow God, even when it’s hard and even when you don’t feel like it, He promises that He will give you the desire and the ability to obey His will (Philippians 2:13), no matter what it takes. Let Him be the the source of your passion and power. He is the one at work in you that you may continue to follow, fulfill, and fight for His purpose for your life.

Passion is pressing on, regardless of what you feel, whether or not your labor is already bearing fruit or it hasn’t yet.

God is the one at work in you to give you the passion and the power to follow, fulfill, and fight for His purpose for your life.

And I am sure that when you choose to remember all that God is to you and all that He has done and is about to do in and through you, you will finally get to finish that homework, that painting, that thesis report, that song, that project… just as I have finished this blog entry.

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