This was a bad week for me, emotionally. What that makes me want to do is shove food in my face and self-destruct but I mostly managed to avoid that, thanks in part to the fact that tons of terrible food won’t actually fit in my new stomach. For the record, this week was not bad because of slight weight gains or anything, those don’t discourage me too much anymore (okay, they discourage me a little but they do not really upset me). It was bad because of stress and work stuff. Those things do happen, though, and I have to be able to deal with them in a healthy manner, I know.
Wednesday, January 10th, 2018
Weight: 196.8 lbs
Food:
- Yogurt
- Orange
- Tea
- Turkey & cheese sandwich (one slice of bread)
- Pickle
- Water
- Chips
- Salsa
- Low-cal lemonade
- Chicken Burrito
- Chocolate milk
Today was a horrible day. If I had junk food lying around, I would definitely have shoved it in my mouth. I did eat a few chips from Moe’s when I went there for dinner but it wasn’t really a huge thing. Mostly, I ate my child size chicken burrito without rice in it. The reasons today was horrible are not really relevant – bad things happened at work and my grandma fell down and hurt her ankle (it turned out to be fine) but it did make me realize how I have long looked at food as an emotional crutch. I have been doing pretty well lately, emotionally speaking (as demonstrated by my reduced antidepressant dose) so I would call this one of my first real challenges in regards to emotional eating since my surgery.
In slightly better news, due to the thing at work (that turned out to be horrible) I decided to dress in a suit and look professional. I managed to fit in a suit that I bought like ten years ago when I lost some weight but which was pretty tight back then (until I outgrew it). The suit fit pretty well today. It felt slightly snug across my shoulders although not enough to keep me from moving how I needed to or make me fear a tear. Maybe that is how things should fit to look tailored? Anyway, I am calling that tiny thing a win, at least. I needed one today!
Thursday, January 11th, 2018
Weight: 197.6 lbs
Food:
- Yogurt
- Orange
- Tea
- Vegetable beef soup
- Triscuits
- Cheese
- Water
- Chocolate
- Salmon
- Butter
- Onions, garlic, & mushrooms
- Chocolate milk
My grandma’s ankle is fine, or will be, so that stressor is off my mind. The work thing though, is still there. I had some horrible meetings today about everything I do wrong which gave me almost a panic attack once I was able to get away from people. Again, my first instinct was to eat something delicious and terrible for me but I did not have anything on hand. I did eat a chocolate heart later in the day but it wasn’t very big so I do not feel too guilty about it. I did cook my salmon with butter instead of olive oil tonight. It tasted delicious.
I have also been kind of constipated again, so clearly I need to drink more water. It is kind of an expected reminder I have these days but particularly unwelcome today. Another upsetting thing that happened today is that I spilled my soup in the microwave at work – the whole bowl of it! Fortunately, I had more soup but I had to run and get a bunch of paper towels then wait again while that heated up, it was just not what I needed today.
Friday, January 12th, 2018
Weight: 195.4 lbs
Food:
- Egg & cheese breakfast sandwich
- Juice
- Orange
- Vegetable beef soup
- Triscuits
- Cheese
- Chocolate Milk
- Diet limeade
- Chili cheese tots
- Popcorn chicken
I am so ready for this week to be over!
Saturday, January 13th, 2018
Weight: 196.6 lbs
Food:
- Water
- Scrambled eggs
- Potatoes
- French toast
- Butter
- Melon
- Pineapple
- Grapes
- Cheeseburger (minus a bun)
- Pickles
- Crystal light
- Milk
- Brown rice with kale
- Stir fry (tempeh & vegetables)
- Chocolate milk
I had a breakfast buffet today – the first time I have had a buffet since my surgery. I did basically clean my plate but I did not go back for seconds. I guess I am getting better at gauging what I can eat.
I made dinner for my grandma and myself using food that we both had leftover / lying around. It turned out pretty well and only made about one extra meal for each of us (maybe one and a half for me). I shall call it a success.
Sunday, January 14th, 2018
Weight: 196.4 lbs
Food:
- Milk
- Orange
- Tofu
- Mushrooms & onions & garlic
- Juice
- Bean burrito
Monday, January 15th, 2018
Weight: 195 lbs
Food:
- Chocolate milk
- Yogurt
- Orange
- Beef vegetable soup
- Triscuits
- Cheese
- Milk
- Bean burrito
- Crystal Light
I need to do some dishes so that I can cook again! For now, I have some leftover bits that I can make into meals but it will be way easier to eat well when I have an empty sink and clean cookware.
Blood sugar: 94 (6 am)
Tuesday, January 16th, 2018
Weight: 195 lbs
Food:
- Juice
- Egg & cheese breakfast sandwich
- Tea
- Apple
- Muffin
- Tea
- Turkey & cheese sandwich
- Juice
- Stir fry (tempeh & vegetables)
- Milk
I bought new underwear some time ago because my size 8 boyshorts were too big – particularly in the butt and thigh. Anyway, I got size 7 and those are a little too small, not enough to preclude wearing them but enough that they do not fit at all like they should, thanks to my lowest stomach roll. I have always bought cotton underwear – Hanes or Jockey or the like but last week, I decided to try a different kind. I was at Walmart, where I do not often shop, to spend a gift card, and stumbled upon a package of size 7 boyshorts on clearance ($6 for 5 pairs). They are polyester and spandex but seem to breathe well so I decided to give them a try and I really like how they fit! Time will tell whether the material is really suited to me but so far they feel good and fit well, so I am going to call it a win for now.
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